stop.

There are very few moments in my life right now when I choose to stop, breathe and actually think about where I am and what I'm doing. Well, I guess the breathing part is something I can't really choose... it just happens. Or does it? Isn't even breathing a choice? Sure, it's not a choice I typically think about making... but I guess when I hear all the stories about people choosing to end their life, whether or not I take another breath can be a choice. One I've never really thought about until now.

Thoughts. Emotion. Motion. We never stop. There's always some sort of hope alive in us, pushing... forcing us onward... toward some goal. Good or bad. Foolish or practical. I know I'm going somewhere... where, only God truly knows. And that fact bothers me. I can be honest, can't I? It bothers me that God knows where I'm going and I haven't a clue. It means I'm not really in control and that irritates me sometimes. Like now. I don't know why I'm irritated by that concept... I gave up control quite willingly a long time ago and it's a choice I make every day in my life. It's kind of like breathing, though... a choice you really have no choice but to make if you want to simply stay alive. And I want to live. But much of the time I want to live the way I want to live

Therein lies the problem, I suppose. It shouldn't bother me so much that God knows from beginning to end and I don't. It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me. As robotic as it sounds, I exist for my Maker. Therefore, I don't really exist.

My, what a beautiful concept! One I vaguely remember as I thumb through the scripture lessons my mind and heart have taken in over the years. How I deeply, wholeheartedly want my choices to be His- in the big picture and the small, day-to-day living. Forgive me, Father... I forget just how big You really are. And tonight... right now, I choose to remember. Acknowledge. Worship. You are big, sovereign and breathtakingly beautiful.

I exist purely for Your glory and I'm okay with that. Please be gracious to show me when I'm not.